It’s been a rough year, folks. Financially, we’ve gotten hit a bunch by big and little things. I’ve had some personal frustrations and disappointments. I broke my foot this summer and was sidelined from my regular routine for what seemed a very long time. The stresses added up and sent my emotions into overdrive.
Now that some of those stressors have receded and my kids are back in school (including the youngest — half-day kindergarten!), I’ve had a little time every day to slowly get my life pieced back together. I hate to say I’ve “taken control,” because that is one thing about how I see things that I’d like to change. I guess I can just say I’m going to just do the best I can to take care of my responsibilities and take care of myself, including reducing some of the things I do that I can control.
I’ve allowed myself to get into a bunch of bad habits. I got so stressed that I went back to emotional eating, and it’s become an addiction of sorts. I’m now taking the time to think and be mindful about what I’m eating and to do some reading to help me figure out how to rid myself of that bad habit, or reduce it significantly.
Consequently, my body is at a very unhealthy weight. At this point in my life, I don’t expect myself to be back wearing size-6 dresses anytime soon… or ever. But I would like to be at the top of the range of what I know is a healthy weight for me. I’d like to feel better physically and know that I’m eating healthy foods almost all the time, without the added sweets. I’d like to be able to just bend over, for pity’s sake, without my belly getting in the way. (Yes, there’s a reason I’ve had my 10-year-old paint my toenails. I’d like to get rid of that reason.)
I want to emphasize again that I hope to do this for reasons of taking care of this one and only body I have. I don’t want to aspire to some kind of ideal or do this for image reasons. I am still working on doing my part to raise awareness about how image-oriented our society is, and I don’t want to buy into it.
I’ve wanted to do this for some months now, but I finally am feeling confident enough to be able to just summon the emotional energy to be able to do this. To change bad habits and battle the urges to eat bad food takes emotional reserves. I finally have gathered some together, after a year of having them sapped. Here I am, writing about this because I want to remind myself of what I want to do, and to just know that other people know I’m working on myself.
So here goes. More to come.