So I wrote a week and a half ago that it was time to take care of myself. I decided that it would help me to kind of “diet” for a week and work really hard at the gym to see if I could lose a couple of pounds and know that it was effective. I really watched my calorie intake and started taking some supplements Dr. Oz recommends and logged extra time working out. I weighed myself at the gym and then didn’t check again for a full week. I just worked hard and hoped.
Yay! That work did pay off, and I lost three pounds.
I’m carrying that over and continuing to watch my eating and spending more time at the gym than usual so I can work towards a loss of five pounds and then 10. At the same time, I recognize that this is a “diet” and I can’t necessarily sustain this kind of intensity for the long haul that will be needed to lose the 50 pounds that I need to lose. Also, it’s nothing I can do permanently. What I must do that I haven’t done yet is really focus on changing my relationship with food. I’ve written about this a little already, I think, and I’d like to write more. Honestly, I have a stressful life, and when things get particularly hectic and intense, I turn to food for comfort, soothing, and rewarding. I eat more portions than my body needs at every meal, and I treat myself too often to high-calorie desserts. Not good for my body.
So as I write about my mini success of this past week and a half, I also want to make clear that this is just a way to kind of jump-start my long path towards truly taking better care of myself. I have been very focused over the past month on writing a book I’ve been wanting to write for over a year, and that has taken up much of my time and brain power. This is a very good thing in a number of ways: it means I have taken the time to do something that means a lot to me, that I’m working towards a goal. This is positive for me in many ways. It gives me confidence across the board that I can achieve goals, and that I am doing something for myself and something I’m good at. It also in some ways helps me to eat less because I feel better about myself and don’t need a reward so much, and because I don’t have the spare time to go in the kitchen.
The only downside is that I haven’t had the time I’d like to read the books I’ve bought and checked out from the library about emotional eating. I am OK with this in some ways because I know I will still get around to doing that; it’s just going to be once I’ve finished this book project. But even as I “diet” temporarily, I realize I still have basically an addiction to treats. I still have habits that I need to break and emotional needs to turn to food when the going gets at all rough, or to reward myself. I truly want to change those habits and addictions. Dieting right now is its own reward temporarily because I can see progress on the scale, and that works for now. I just can’t do this for the long haul.
So right now I celebrate, but I have a very long way to go. I can just take a day or a week at a time and appreciate the small steps and know that there will be more work ahead on different levels. I’m just going to bite off what I can chew, so to speak, though, right now. Finish my book, celebrate my goals achieved and progress made on that, and then work on the eating/weight goals. I’m doing the best I can, and I’m going to pat myself on the back for what I’m doing better.